Lost

When I feel like things are out of control, I clean. It makes me feel better to have something go my way; to feel accomplished with a desired effect. So it's no surprise that I wanted to make my home sparkle. I got as far as the kitchen counters when I used my last Lysol Wipe and started to cry. Obviously my tears had nothing to do with the cleaning product; lately, I am feeling very lost.

At work, things are overwhelming. We are being pushed and pulled in every direction and I have enough paperwork on my desk to keep me busy for 24 hours straight, uninterrupted 😳.

At home, things are good but they could be better. Since the decision was made to move the business, we have been so busy that it bleeds into our free time which means Kevin and I are exhausted ALL THE TIME. We haven't had a date night in months and we haven't taken any time to just speak to one another on a personal level (non-work, non-Zeus, non-to-do-list related conversation)😞.

The cherry on my self-pity cake is the disconnect I feel from our son. I am so proud of him for being on his own and taking care of himself but I feel like I have lost one of my best friends. The conversation is sparse and it lacks content. The usual, "how are you?", "I miss you", "I love you", is the extent of our communication. I am terribly sad that I am no longer a part of his everyday. There are people out there who know him better than I do and I never thought that would happen😢.

I am running on empty and I need to find some middle ground. I have to see the forest for the trees... at least my son is healthy and safe... at least I have a happy marriage with a husband who is supportive, kind and loving... at least I have a thriving business in the year 2020.

Time to take my head out of my ass, wipe my Lysol tears and take a hike (literally, I'm going to go hiking and clear my head). My new motto, if you can't clean, hike.

P.S. crying over Lysol Wipes is a legitimate reason to be sad,

that sh*t is hard to find these days 🥺