Absence makes the heart ache

Forget about the inconveniences that the pandemic has placed on all of us. Forget about the annoyances we feel on a daily basis. My heart aches for the people who can not memorialize the dead. I am brought to tears seeing the footage of Italy and other nations with thousands of deaths. Then there are those dying with non-corona virus related illnesses and accidents but because of social distancing they too cannot have a proper funeral or celebration of life.

The healthcare system is on its own planet right now - working non-stop while we sit around waiting to see what happens next. All hospital staff are putting everyone else first. They are true heroes in every sense of the word and when this is over they deserve every bit of recognition for what they do everyday, with or without a pandemic.

Sympathy and empathy are at the top of the list for character traits and people admire those who have these qualities but without perspective and hope this situation can be unbearable. When you put yourself in the shoes of those who are in dire straits you can easily see how cruel these circumstances have become. Some of us are so fortunate to have 100% control of our feelings and emotions so we can pull ourselves out of a dark head-space. For others, its a battle on a normal day let alone these trying times. Our freedom of choice has been drastically reduced. Our routines that help us feel safe have been altered. Almost everything has an element of uncertainty and the only real solace is that everyone is in this together.

Together isn't how I feel. My personal pain comes in waves every single day being a part from our son. We have no clear timeline on when we can see him. Don't try telling me that 'video chat' is the same because it isn't. The rational thought would be that we just need to wait a little longer. I am overcome with sadness and longing, wishing that we could be together as a family especially at a time like this. I give myself a 5-minute pity party every now and then because it seems to help me prioritize. Ignoring my frustration, trying to bury my disappointment or distracting myself from my grief just worsens my anxiety. I cry or scream or curse for 5 minutes, all on my own, when I need to let it out. Then I remind myself that things are moving forward. There are forces out of my control and the things I can control I am doing to the best of my ability.

I have taken many things for granted prior to this pandemic. Re-evaluating my priorities is my focus now. I suggest the same for everyone. The world is pressing the 'Restart' button, here's our chance to do the same.