as the day is long

We are fortunate to still be working. The business has stayed opened through all of this upheaval. Not much has really changed with our day-to-day. Six days a week, as per usual, we get up and go to the warehouse. Then we come home and veg out in front of the TV or sit outside on the patio. Even with the routine, we feel unsettled. It's kind of like an impending doom is near; a layer of anxiety coats our thoughts.

Something that I fondly remember is the planning and anticipation for visits, whether it was us going to Canada or family and friends coming to vacation in Myrtle Beach. I miss adding events and gatherings to our family calendar. There are a few things currently listed for June or later and they all have question marks attached to them. This uncertainty and lack of control makes my stomach hurt. I can't dwell on these feelings because it puts me in a dark place so I work through it by only thinking about the task at hand. Hour by hour instead of scheduling month by month.

I have a grateful heart for all the positive things in my life but sometimes its just nice to complain. Channeling my 9 year old self, I am going to say it... THIS SUCKS! I am an emotional person and sometimes I cry when I'm overwhelmed but lately I have felt more numb than anything else.

I know exactly where I am in the Pandemic Acceptance Program (PAP lol). Here are the stages I have passed with a near perfect score:

* Disbelief

* Irrational Fear

* Rational Fear

* Situational Depression

* Counting Blessings

* Dry/Cracked Hands 101

* Toilet Paper Shortage

* Sanitizer Shortage

* All News Boycott

* New Normal Numb (this is where I am and the final exam is still 2 weeks away)

Next semester will be tough but I hope to get on the Dean's List so I'm going to keep my mind on my studies and put forth my best effort. When I graduate, I will proudly frame my PAP Diploma and tell my grandchildren about the time I survived COVID-19.