less is okay

Today, I have been thinking of my dear friend, Naina. She and I used go to the movies and have coffee dates. Now we visit one another when we can and we still exchange books 💕. Naina has so much wisdom to share. She is unique, kind and genuine. I remember one particular conversation we had, back at Tim Hortons at Hwy 24 and Myers Rd in Cambridge. I was talking about the many ways I choose to care for my family. I was convinced; the best way to show my love was to do things and buy things for others. It was Naina who looked me in the eye and said "no one will love you less if you do less". She is right but it is taking me a long time to live through her advice. I would often insert myself in an attempt to help people with their problems, big or small. Trying to be apart of the solution was gratifying. Now living so far away, I am learning that I am not needed in the way that I originally thought. The world didn't stop spinning. My loved ones, without me there to do things for them, didn't stop caring about me.

Our son, for example, is almost 22 years old. I no longer make him meals, or buy him clothes but he still loves me just the same. My struggle is separating what I think his life should look like and what he wants or needs to figure out for himself. I believe so strongly that I know what's best, so much so that I impose my ideas on Josh. If someone tried to forcefully project their plans on me, I would be angry and frustrated, maybe even resentful. Thinking about it from Josh’s point of view gives me the perspective I need to let go. If our son needs my help, he will ask. He has to want things for himself; learn patience and hard work, in order to appreciate the journey that takes him where he wants to be.

The empty nest feeling is a slow moving beast, some days are normal and others are ironically, suffocating. I am finding a renewed sense of self and with Naina's advice, I am learning how to be a mother, sister, daughter and friend, from a distance.