Secondary Emotion

I hear people say this often; anger is a secondary emotion. I finally understand. I feel anger as a reaction to deeper feelings like sadness or disappointment. Being mad is so much easier, it gives me a sense of power, even if it is a smokescreen. Being sad shines a spotlight on my vulnerability. It can also make me feel like I have lost a battle. I am defeated in so many ways. I have hit a brick wall with a few of my relationships and I have to accept the part I played in the outcome. I am not trying to confuse you and I hope I can convey this message without having to get into details. They say the devil is in the details so I am going to leave the devil out of this. I have learned the hard way that what I want for others doesn't always match what they want for themselves. I don't know where to hang my Hero Hat; I don't need to wear it everyday and it's so hard to take it off.

Moving forward, reminding myself of the love and support I have around me, is the best way to face negativity. I have always trusted my instincts and I have the best of intentions but my execution can be aggressive. I also know that the people who love me the most put me on a pedestal. That position is difficult because I feel as if I can’t make mistakes. I have been getting really personal with this journal and I have no regrets but I do have a request for my readers. If you read any of my entries and your reaction is to judge me; or feel that I am being dishonest, or arrogant, than please don't read my blog anymore. I use this platform to feel connected to people. It is my outlet to share my thoughts and my actions (hence the website name). As an added bonus, I have heard from readers who can relate to my feelings and life experiences. I am proud to hear that my words give others strength and hope. The truth is, I'm not feeling all that strong at the moment and this sense of hopelessness is hard to shake.

#onedayatatime